Raf Yorumu: eylül (@sircafanusta

Spoiler içeriyor prolog kısmında julie’nin gelecek vadeden bir öğrenciyken içinden taşan boşluğu tanımlayamayıp birbiriyle alakasız kariyerlere savrulduğunu izliyoruz. tıp fakültesini ruhsuzlukla suçlayıp insan psikolojisini incelemeye oradan da sınıf arkadaşlarının yeme bozukluğu olan bir avuç kaçık olduğu iddiasıyla anları yakalama tutkusuyla fotoğrafçılığa… (Narrator:…devamıprolog kısmında julie’nin gelecek vadeden bir öğrenciyken içinden taşan boşluğu tanımlayamayıp birbiriyle alakasız kariyerlere savrulduğunu izliyoruz. tıp fakültesini ruhsuzlukla suçlayıp insan psikolojisini incelemeye oradan da sınıf arkadaşlarının yeme bozukluğu olan bir avuç kaçık olduğu iddiasıyla anları yakalama tutkusuyla fotoğrafçılığa… (Narrator: Julie disappointed herself. This used to be easy. She was still among the top students, but there were too many interruptions, updates, feeds, unsolvable global problems. She sensed a gnawing unease she had tried to suppress by cramming by drowning it in digital interference. This was wrong. This wasn't her. She'd chosen medicine because it was so hard to gain admission. Where her excellent grades actually meant something. But then she had a revelation. Her passion had always been the soul. The mind, not the body. Julie: Surgery is like, so concrete. It's almost like being a carpenter. Narrator: But now... Julie: My passion has always been what goes on inside, thoughts and feelings. Narrator: It was like a window had opened. Julie: Not anatomy.) ve genelde siz hayatının kontrolünü elinde tutan biriyseniz sizi oldukça sinirlendirecek savruk-sorumsuz kararlar alıyor julie. ama siz de tesadüfler eseri kendini oradan oraya sürüklenirken bulanlardansanız size çok işleyecektir bu kafa karışıklığı hali. ve işler zorlaştığında belki de tam tersi kolaylaşıp stabilize hale geldiğinde tüyenlerdenseniz :) daha sonra romantik ilişkilerinde de dikiş tutturamayışı, anne olma sorunsalı gibi günümüz kadınlarının oldukça tanıdık olduğu bir dağınıklıkla devam ediyoruz. film tanıtım yazısında her life is an existential mess yazar ve bu cümlenin üstüne daha iyi bir ifade biçimi aklıma gelmiyor doğrusu. hayatına dair yeni perspektifler edinmek için kendini bir ilişkiden ötekine dürtüsel kararlarla bırakırken en sonunda fark edeceği şey yine tanıtım yazısında yer aldığı üzere some life choices are already behind her. (Aksel: So what is the problem? Julie: It's a combination of things, not just that. Aksel: I can see you're in a crisis right now. I can understand that. But if you love me, we'll sort it all out. Julie: Yes, I do love you. And I don't love you. Narrator: Julie felt that this sentence, the way she said it, her emphasis on certain words, summed up the impossibility of it all. Julie: I feel like a spectator in my own life. Like I'm playing a supporting role in my own life. Aksel: I get that you feel stuck. You need a change. But is this the solution? Julie: This is exactly my point. I'm trying to tell you how I feel, and you're defining my feelings.) (Narrator: She said she was terrified of being alone. Terrified of living without him. That when she left, she'd be like Bambi on the ice. And that was precisely why she had to do it. Aksel mumbled soothing words she didn't hear. She was thinking about how, at the age of 30, she'd just compared herself to Bambi.) (Julie: This is the crux of our relationship. Everything we feel, we have to put into words. Sometimes, I just want to feel things. You insist on being so damn strong all the time. For you, being strong is about formulating things. If you analyze things at every psychological level, you think you're strong. Because I'm less analytical, you think I'm weaker.) kendini bulma istencine dair bir düğümle açılan bu film epilogda tam anlamıyla çözülmeyen türden düğümüyle sadece bir şeyler hissettiriyor julie’nin de kendi için dilediği üzere. bu hissettikleri kimi zaman mizah yoluyla kimi zaman hayatın aksel üzerinden anlatılmaya çalışılan trajik yönüyle izleyiciye geçiyor. aksel’in ölüm döşeğindeyken söylediği her söz ise altın değerinde. en ünlü replik zaten hemen her gönderide yer alıyor: “I always worried something would go wrong, but the things that went wrong were never what I worried about.” ama fiziksel medyanın son zamanlarda yeniden popülerlik kazandığı günümüzde ben şu cümleleri çok içli buldum: (Aksel: Well, you know... I kind of expected this. I'd given up long before I got sick. Really. I just watch my favourite old movies over and over. Lynch, "The Godfather Part II"... How many times can you watch "Dog Day Afternoon"? Julie: Many times! Aksel: You should. Julie: Absolutely. Aksel: Sometimes I listen to music I haven't heard before. But... It's old as well. Music I didn't know about, but from when I grew up. It felt as though I'd already given up. I grew up in an age without Internet and mobile phones. I sound like an old fart. But I think about it a lot. The world that I knew... has disappeared. For me it was all about going to stores. Record stores. I'd take the tram to Voices in Grünerløkka. Leaf through used comics at Pretty Price. I can close my eyes and see the aisles at Video Nova in Majorstua. I grew up in a time when culture was passed along through objects. They were interesting because... we could live among them. We could pick them up. Hold them in our hands. Compare them. Julie: A bit like books? Aksel: Yeah, a bit like books. That's all I have. I spent my life doing that. Collecting all that stuff, comics, books... And I just continued, even when it stopped giving me the powerful emotions I felt in my early 20s. I continued anyway. And now it's all I have left. Knowledge and memories of stupid, futile things nobody cares about. Julie: Don't say that. You've got the comics you created. I wish I'd had what you had. To be able to draw without doubting that you're doing what you're supposed to do. I really wish I had that. Aksel: Yeah, but I've got cancer. I'm dying. Of course I'm being retrospective. Julie: You said you've done that for ages. Aksel: Not for that long. In recent years. I reached a point in life when suddenly... It just happened. When... when... I began to worship what had been. And now I have nothing else. I have no future. I can only look back. And... It's not even nostalgia. It's... Fear of death. It's because I'm scared. It has nothing to do with art. I'm just trying to process.) aksel’in talihsiz olduğunu herkes gibi ben de görüp julie’ye sinirlenerek izleyebilirdim filmi ama sinirlenmek benim gibi bir genç kadın için mümkün olmadı. çünkü kendime de kızmamı gerektirirdi bu ve kendini eleştirmek ne kadar zordur bilirsiniz. bir yere kök salamamak, 20lerdeki ve 30lardaki kimlik krizleri kadınlar için çok benzer ve aynı yerden acıtan türden. gözyaşlarımızın tadı aynı diyor ya şebnem ferah. hep kendi için daha fazlasını istemek ve sırf bu yüzden de yerleşememek… herkesin komik bulduğu filmin depresif havasını yaran yerdeki alıntıyla bitireyim de çok karamsar sonlanmasın bu yazı: (Narrator: Eivind turned it into a funny story he told everyone. But it touched something deeper in her. Awoke something in her. She googled her family name. Her grandfather came from the Far North. The DNA sample she sent to America confirmed it. Eivind didn't see how her newfound identity as 3.1% Sami connected to mind-expanding substances and unrelated exotic rituals, but tried to be supportive. As she became increasingly militant, she saw how climate change was hurting indigenous people. Inuit starving as seals vanish. Melting ice ruining reindeer pastures. Aborigines dying of skin cancer from the hole in the ozone. Eivind could forget about flying to New York. She made them live more sustainably. He could always do better. Study the ingredients more closely. Consider the environmental impact of his purchases. Plastic is killing the oceans. Norwegian cod was ferried to China and back. Cobalt mining was destroying the Congo. Batteries had blood on their hands. The sum of Western guilt sat beside him on the couch. Went to bed with him at night. Everything was weighed against the greater cause. He felt he was betraying Sunniva. Betraying the Sami people. Felt like the world's worst person, but couldn't resist.)