“Some catastrophic moments invite clarity, explode in split moments: You smash your hand through a windowpane and then there is blood and shattered glass stained with red all over the place; you fall out a window and break some bones…devamı“Some catastrophic moments invite clarity, explode in split moments: You smash your hand through a windowpane and then there is blood and shattered glass stained with red all over the place; you fall out a window and break some bones and scrape some skin. Stitches and casts and bandages and antiseptic solve and salve the wounds. But depression is not a sudden disaster. It is more like a cancer: At first its tumorous mass is not even noticeable to the careful eye, and then one day -- wham! -- there is a huge, deadly seven-pound lump lodged in your brain or your stomach or your shoulder blade, and this thing that your own body has produced is actually trying to kill you. Depression is a lot like that: Slowly, over the years, the data will accumulate in your heart and mind, a computer program for total negativity will build into your system, making life feel more and more unbearable. But you won't even notice it coming on, thinking that it is somehow normal, something about getting older, about turning eight or turning twelve or turning fifteen, and then one day you realize that your entire life is just awful, not worth living, a horror and a black blot on the white terrain of human existence. One morning you wake up afraid you are going to live.
In my case, I was not frightened in the least bit at the thought that I might live because I was certain, quite certain, that I was already dead. The actual dying part, the withering away of my physical body, was a mere formality. My spirit, my emotional being, whatever you want to call all that inner turmoil that has nothing to do with physical existence, were long gone, dead and gone, and only a mass of the most fucking god-awful excruciating pain like a pair of boiling hot tongs clamped tight around my spine and pressing on all my nerves was left in its wake.
That's the thing I want to make clear about depression: It's got nothing at all to do with life. In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorrow, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal -- unpleasant, but normal. Depression is an altogether different zone because it involves a complete absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absence of interest. The pain you feel in the course of a major clinical depression is an attempt on nature's part (nature, after all, abhors a vacuum) to fill up the empty space. But for all intents and purposes, the deeply depressed are just the walking, waking dead.
And the scariest part is that if you ask anyone in the throes of depression how he got there, to pin down the turning point, he'll never know. There is a classic moment in The Sun Also Rises when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt, and all he can say in response is, 'Gradually and then suddenly.' When someone asks how I lose my mind, that is all I can say too’”
Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation
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“Some catastrophic moments invite clarity, explode in split moments: You smash your hand through a windowpane and then there is blood and shattered glass stained with red all over the place; you fall out a window and break some bones…devamı
Virginia Woolf hastayken okuma biçimimizin farklılaştığını, dik duranlar ordusunun askerleri gibi çok sorumlu ve mantıklı olmadığımızı yazar. Sağlıklı olanlara bu adı vermiştir: Dik duranlar ordusunun askerleri. Hastalar, yatağa düşmüş olanlar, şanslılarsa gölgede bir koltukta battaniyenin altında oturanlar, iş okumaya gelince…devamı
Onlara unutmanın güzelliğini öğretin der Lou Reed, çocuklarınıza öğretmeyi hatırlamanız gereken her şeye ilişkin bir şarkısında.
“And the scariest part is that if you ask anyone in the throes of depression how he got there, to pin down the turning point, he'll never know. There is a classic moment in The Sun Also Rises when someone…devamı
Kısa Korku Hikayem Kızımın balköpüğü buklelerini tararken gözleri bileklerime takılır. +Anne, şu çirkin izler de ne? -Onlar savaş izleri hayatım. +Peki o zaman düşmanın kimdi? … +Benim de bazı pençeli yaratıklarla savaş vermem gerekecek mi? -Hayır kızım, canavarların sana ulaşmaması…devamı
Short Horror Story of Mine As I comb my daughter's honey-foam hair, her gaze turns to my wrists. +Mom, what are those ugly marks? -Those are battle scars of mine, baby girl. +So who was your enemy, mother? … (I…devamı
baba-kız ilişki dinamiğinin incelelendiği eserler her zaman şahsi deneyimlere seslenmesi yönüyle sarsıcı olmuştur benim için. uzun bir süreden sonra ev’e döneceğim ilk fırsatta kitabı babama hediye etme niyetindeyim. alıntılamak istediğim en’lerim olan birkaç cümleyi daha sonra bağımsız gönderi olarak ayrıca…devamı
“74 yaşında yaşlı bir adamım,” dedi babam, “ve Tanrı beni çocuk odasından attı.”
“sometimes, you spend your life doing one thing, and in the end, it wasn’t your thing.”
Hasta İlham Perisi Zavallı perim, yazık! Sabah sabah neyin var? Gecenin düşleriyle dolmuş çukur gözlerin, Görüyorum yüzüne yansımış çılgınlıklar, İzi var suskunluğun, soğukluk ve dehşetin. Yeşil dişi şeytan ve pembe cin kül kabından Üstüne serptiler mi bir aşkı ve korkuyu.…devamı